


pray to be important (in my paradise)

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam Milligan Deserves Better, Adam Milligan in Lucifer's Cage, Angst, Dean Winchester is Kind Of an Asshole, Episode: s07e04 Defending Your Life, Gen, Guilt, Guilty Dean Winchester, Guilty Sam Winchester, Survivor Guilt, as in by date updated, guilt galore, if u look at the defending ur life tag chronologically, i’ll probably come up with a better title later, kind of?, the adam & sam & dean in the relationship tag is for ppl to find this easier lmao, the fic below this called ‘sense and sensibility’ is an old feature thing i wrote, there’s No good brotherly relationship between the three of them in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “The prosecution calls Adam Milligan to the stand.” It was something of a dream— or of a nightmare— as the spirit of his youngest brother flickered into existence before Dean, looking exactly the same as he had the day he had been dragged down to Hell.
Relationships: Adam Milligan & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	pray to be important (in my paradise)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer/gifts).



> this one goes out to you for the inspiration + that anon on tumblr who literally wasted probably an hour of their life typing out a hate message for me lmao thx Adam Milligan Deserves Better!!! I’ll Say It Until The Day I Die!!!!!!!!

“The prosecution calls Adam Milligan to the stand.” It was something of a dream— or of a _nightmare_ — as the spirit of his youngest brother flickered into existence before Dean, looking exactly the same as he had the day he had been dragged down to Hell.

Adam still had that glare on his face; the one that Dean had noticed the second time— not the second, the _first_ , Dean reminded himself, because the actual first time was just a ghoul wearing Adam, and not really him— he had met him. It hadn’t been there when Michael was possessing him; a lot of things hadn’t been there when Michael was possessing him. Like his drawn together eyebrows, most likely due to the fact he was overthinking the situation, or the way he held himself. Michael had been like a statue; his movements big , yet jerky and partial. Even simply standing there, Dean could see how Adam moved much more fully and swiftly; even the tapping of his fingers much more exaggerated than Dean would have expected from Michael. 

It was like a slap in the face. Seeing his youngest brother standing before him once again; even if it was for only the second time. Adam had been condemned to an eternity of torture, simply because of who he was; and because of Dean.

Osiris beckoned Adam to sit, and the teens eyes narrowed. Adam followed his order, sliding into the seat beside the God; his body was turned straight ahead, but he craned his neck to look at Osiris. “State your name for the court.”

“Adam Milligan.” Adam said, voice dry. Dean cast a glance to Sam, who seemed just about as shocked as he felt; possibly even _more_ so.

“And... what is your relationship to Dean Winchester?” Osiris asked, but he damn-well knew the answer. Dean opened his mouth to snap, to curse him out, but Osiris tapped his fingers together in a zipping motion, and Dean was unable to speak.

“Ah,” Adam hummed, his lips curving upwards into a grin; sardonic and cold. Dean’s spine tingled at it. “He’s my big bro.”

“Was it hard?” Osiris’ questioning continued on, each moment just a bit more painful for Dean than the last. 

“You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that.”

“Knowing that you didn’t really matter to him, of course!” The god  laughed . It took Dean ounce of will power not to jump out of his seat— his prison— and sock Osiris in the face. “Knowing that he’d much rather save Sam than you.”

“No. Not really.” Adam shrugged, almost nonchalantly. He had barely needed to think about the answer. “I mean, what more did I expect? To be welcomed into the family with open arms? I saw the way he looked at me. Jealousy and resentment. It was pretty obvious.”

“And do you blame him? For letting you rot in Hell while he did everything he possibly could to save his other brother? ”

“I- I don’t blame him for picking Sam over me.” Adam sounded a bit more unsure as he rapped his fingers against his knee, bouncing it as he did so. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t blame him for not trying or- or that I’m not pissed at him. I knew he wouldn’t save me. I knew he wouldn’t try to save me. And... and when Death came to the Cage to retrieve Sam and he told me-“ Adam broke off, staring at Sam and Dean with an absolutely wrecked expression plastered across his face. He looked like he was about to cry— could ghosts even cry? Was Adam even truly dead—? He might as well be, a voice in Dean’s head laughed, a malevolent sound only he could hear.

“Go on, Adam. It’s alright.” Osiris comforted, cracking the knuckles of his hand that wasn’t holding his staff one by one, the sound of bones cracking echoing through the dark.

“And he told me that he couldn’t .” Adam’s voice cracked, raw and untamed as he continued to rap his fingers against his knee. “He told me that Dean had made his choice. And he told me he was sorry. And- and that hurt. It hurt a lot.”

“They told you you were their family. Do you think that’s true?”

“Hell no _._ ” Adam shifted his gaze from Dean and Sam to look at Osiris. “I  know it’s not true. Zachariah told me the truth. But he also told me that family was the Winchester’s weakness, and that they’d come for me. And they did. But because- because Dean didn’t say yes, the angels took me. I didn’t- I didn’t want this. I didn’t  ask for this. I- I- I just wanted to see my mom.”

“Do you think Dean was selfish in choosing himself over you?” Osiris asked, raising one of his eyebrows at Adam.

The teen shook his head. “I- no.” Even though Dean didn’t know Adam very well— even though he had been the one to leave Adam— he could tell it was a lie.

“Be honest, Adam. Do you think he was selfish for choosing himself over you, because he couldn’t bear to let Sam down by saying ‘yes’ to Michael?”

“Yes. He was.” Adam finally managed to get out, a dry laugh ripping from his throat afterwards. Dean’s stomach practically sank at the laugh. “And- I had a lot of time to reflect. You know- in the Cage. The only reason he even tried to stop me from saying ‘yes’ was so he wouldn’t feel guilty about killing another person he considered his ‘family’. That’s kinda the whole reason I’m here right now, ain’t it?”

Osiris hummed in agreement. “Thank you for your time, Adam. I’m sorry I have to be the one to send you back.”

Sighing, Adam gave Sam and Dean a small grin, giving a slight wave. “Bye, guys.” He disappeared, fading away into nothing, much like the memory of him had faded to Sam and Dean. He hadn’t sounded angry, or contempt, like he had just moments before. In fact, his voice had quivered; slight enough that Dean almost missed it. 

And if that didn’t shatter what was left of Dean’s heart, he didn’t know what would have.

He hadn’t thought about Adam in a long time. Not since having to choose between the two of them; between Adam and Sam. And even then, he barely needed to think when it came to picking; it would always be Sam first, no matter what. But now— after that glimpse, that reminder of who he had abandoned, his soul felt weighed down by his own guilt.

“The court has reached a verdict.” Osiris banged his staff on the ground three times, a grin spreading across his face. It was was something Dean had only seen sported by maniacs or monsters; creatures who had been led so far from humanity, or had never truly known what humanity was. Only something— a creature a God, a cruel, sadistic, God— could take such pleasure in Dean’s suffering. “I find you, Dean Winchester, guilty in your heart... and sentence you to die. I'd suggest you get your affairs in order quickly.”

**Author's Note:**

> lmao this isn’t as good as i wish but whatever thanks for reading & i Adore getting feedback k thanks
> 
> not proofread either case i’m fucking tired but i wrote this in an hour which is definitely a new record for me so


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